Headstone dilemma

9 Jul

1. Very good to hear from Lottie and Will today that Rosie’s headstone is nearly ready.

2. It’s nice that we now know the correct terminology for putting up a headstone is ‘fixing’ it.

3. It’ll be lovely to see it made real.

3. But why has being asked if we want to be there to see it being fixed caused me to feel slightly churned up?. Sylv and Chris quite clear they don’t want to be. I don’t think I do either. Sylv very sensibly says it will be nice to go down one day and its just there. I agree. But why do I feel so uncertain?

Dilemma of the week. Discuss.

Jo xx


8 Responses to “Headstone dilemma”

  1. celia butler July 9, 2013 at 9:18 pm #

    Lovely though it will be to have the stone in place, all of you would so much prefer not to have needed it. Is it a feeling that you ‘ought’ to be there when it’s fixed? Or more that you’d want to? Maybe it’s rooted in the fact that you took every step of Rosie’s journey with her and this feels like part of it.
    My only reservation about the Sylvie view is that other people might then see the stone before all of you. How would you feel about that?
    How about leaving your options open by knowing the fixing time and being available? That way you could decide even on the day whether to be there, or to go afterwards with Chris and Sylvie.
    There’s a discussion for you – but you’ll make the right decision, you always do. xx

  2. Lucy and Russ July 9, 2013 at 9:56 pm #

    I agree with Celia, perhaps leave your decision until the actual day and see how you feel. or, maybe ask a few of Rosie’s close friends if they want to be there. However, I also agree with Sylv, walking down there and seeing it in place feels quite natural (I don’t think natural is the word I’m looking for but I can’t think of another word).

  3. micthemini July 9, 2013 at 10:00 pm #

    I think Celia is right.
    It’s part of that finality, maybe even your last bit of the jigsaw, the putting up of the headstone, the last piece in place.
    But by posting and asking the question, I think you want to see it in place, but maybe it’s the thought of someone ‘messing around’ with Rosie’s grave that you don’t want to see (I know I wouldn’t), so maybe the answer is to ask Lotte and Will to call you once it’s fixed and you could go straight away to see it.
    The other suggestion is what would Rosie do?
    Whatever you chose to do will be the best decision for you.

  4. Judy McCarthy July 10, 2013 at 6:04 am #

    I agree with mitchemini, what would Rosie do? Whatever you decide, you have to feel comfortable with your decision

  5. Helen & Harrie July 10, 2013 at 8:54 pm #

    I agree with all of the above especially the idea of making yourselves available for Lotte and Will to call u once it has been ‘fixed’. That way you get to see it first without having to see it being ‘fixed’ as you may find it to be quite an emotional experience. Each of you must do what is right for you. There is no right or wrong here. U do what you want to do. Xxxx

  6. Coz Al July 11, 2013 at 5:59 am #

    Maybe its because this will be another marker on the timeline.
    Does not being there to witness the fixing mean something?
    Only if you feel it does.
    It’s really lovely to know that Rosie’s headstone is almost ready, that is probably adding feelings into the mix as well; especially if you weren’t expecting the question to be asked. Sounds like you know what you would prefer, as the others have said, decide on the day if you are still unsure.
    Its a symbolic thing, the fixing, but more so is the headstone, so see it when it is done and you can stand and witness it with no distractions and time to think.


  7. Andrea Clarke July 11, 2013 at 6:16 pm #

    I’ve been mulling on this all day and I think Micthemini is right, it’s probably that it makes it seem so final.
    Also I would guess you’re in two minds about being there because you were there for Rosie every step of the way and you maybe feel you should be there for this step too?

    But only you know what is right for you, and I bet when the time comes for the fixing you will just know what to do without needing to think about it.


  8. Helen & Harrie July 11, 2013 at 9:27 pm #

    So many words of wisdom. There is no right or wrong. You just have to do what is right for u. U make ure decision on the day of fixing. Just see how you feel at that time xxx

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