Thanks for the comments and messages today. They really do help.
It felt a bit harsh that today was 12.12.12 and I had to keep writing the date at work. Just kept reminding me.
Today was the sort of crisp, cold, sharp, misty, winter’s day which would have had Rosie in on of her scarves, and woolly hats and gloves and coat, marching off out somewhere. She so liked Christmas and would have been very pleased that Cal is coming home on Friday, and the Christmas tree will go up on Saturday.
When Rosie first died, I couldn’t get my head round how our feelings changed so radically minute by minute, and how extreme those feelings were. And as time has gone on, the length of time between mood changes and feelings has lengthened and smoothed out a little. Some days I really want to look at pictures of her, and look at the things of hers that we have kept; yet other times, I can’t bear to. Some days I want to talk about it, and other days I don’t. Some days I get that feeling of being homesick and others I get that lurch of remembering that there’s absolutely nothing anyone can do to bring her back, not even for one short minute.
Most of the time I remember her happily; but it’s the sad thoughts which still dominate. I know that’ll change. With time. But 15 months on, there’s still a long way to go.
But it’s okay. At tea time tonight, we spent quite a lot of time wondering why jerkins are only ever worn by anybody at Christmas. 🙂 🙂
Going to the Christmas Ball with Cal tomorrow night.