15 months

12 Dec

Thanks for the comments and messages today.  They really do help.

It felt a bit harsh that today was 12.12.12 and I had to keep writing the  date at work. Just kept reminding me.

Today was the sort of crisp, cold, sharp, misty, winter’s day which would have had Rosie in on of her scarves, and woolly hats and gloves and coat, marching off out somewhere. She so liked Christmas and would have been very pleased that Cal is coming home on Friday, and the Christmas tree will go up on Saturday.

When Rosie first died, I couldn’t get my head round how our feelings changed so radically minute by minute, and how extreme those feelings were. And as time has gone on, the length of time between mood changes and feelings has lengthened and smoothed out a little. Some days I really want to look at pictures of her, and look at the things of hers that we have kept; yet other times, I can’t bear to. Some days I want to talk about it, and other days I don’t. Some days I get that feeling of being homesick and others I get that lurch of remembering that there’s absolutely nothing anyone can do to bring her back, not even for one  short minute.

Most of the time I remember her happily; but it’s the sad thoughts which still dominate. I know that’ll change. With time. But 15 months on, there’s still a long way to go.

But it’s okay. At tea time tonight, we spent quite a lot of time wondering why jerkins are only ever worn by anybody at Christmas. 🙂 🙂

Going to the Christmas Ball with Cal tomorrow night.

Jo xx

 

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8 Responses to “15 months”

  1. Dave jones December 12, 2012 at 9:14 pm #

    Heartfelt words Jo- moved by your blog- so feel for you. Xx

  2. Helen & Harrie December 12, 2012 at 9:43 pm #

    15 months, goodness me, where has that time gone!! I am sure somedays it will feel like it was only yesterday and that other days you really can’t believe that 15 months have past since Rosie left you. That old saying comes back, time and time again ……. One day at a time. Such a short, simple sentence that should be used and is used by a lot of us. How long have we been saying it……

    Always remember you have such wonderful memories of Rosie and what she achieved and to be quite honest what she is still achieving through TKOE, thanks to all of her and now yours TKOE followers.

    It will be lovely to have Cal at home to entertain you all, and I am sure Sylv can’t wait to have her brother home too. Will he be cooking your Christmas dinner? I am sure he will look very fetching in a TKOE apron when one has been designed (I think the apron idea is brilliant, can’t remember the persons name who though of it, but fantastic idea.)

    Anyway, you are a brilliant, lovely mum who is allowed to have her ups and downs, but just remember your friends are here when you need us.

    All my love xxxx

  3. Deborah Crosby December 12, 2012 at 10:03 pm #

    Thinking of you all today. And Rosie, of course. She would be so proud of you.

  4. Lin December 12, 2012 at 10:18 pm #

    Thinking of all of you today. I had a picture looking moment myself today and it made me smile.
    Always here if you need me 🙂
    Lots of love xx

  5. Liz Kidd December 12, 2012 at 11:10 pm #

    Kindest thoughts
    Liz XX

  6. celia butler December 13, 2012 at 9:09 am #

    Grief is a long slow process. I guess once it gets to the stage of more good (or goodish) days than bad things start to feel a little easier. But you’re doing brilliantly and we’re all thinking of you especially on these more difficult days.
    Have a brilliant time at Cal’s ball. Love to you all. x

  7. debbywalker December 13, 2012 at 9:38 pm #

    Think of you often (and Rosie) – and can only imagine the feelings you are going through.
    Much love from us all xxxxx
    p.s. Enjoy the ball with Cal ……looking forward to photos! 🙂

  8. margaret crisp December 14, 2012 at 7:51 am #

    Thinking of you often…..mags.

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