I’m now a professional hacker.

16 Nov

Wow, this is cool man! Sylvie here btw, muhahaa.  I always imagined Ro writing her blogs so it looks like how it is to the readers.. but no its just a blank white page, I have no idea if I’m even doing this in the right font. It’s kind of cool writing this, except I can imagine Ro reading through and being like ‘Sylvie there’s people you don’t even know reading this get your wording sorted’.. actually what am I on about? She’d never say anything like that.

I often read through mum’s blogs and you realise that every one has some mentioning of Ro, but in that way we all accidently speek about her; like we’re trying to do it in the right way – some what un-natural (?) I guess thats how it is after people die, I always imagined it to be either horrible talking about the person, or really easy.. not this weird inbetween thing that you cant help talking about them but you feel bad talking about them and then you feel silly for talking about them.. you get me?

what are you even supposed to write on a blog? there’s 38 sleeps till christmas? actually yeah i like that.. except this will be such a strange christmas.. everyones saying its going to be sad, but i think it will be more strange. Thats another thing actually, when people die its like you HAVE to be sad, even though people tell you its showing your strong if your not, you feel like you have to be. What am i even doing sitting here complaining about death.. whats that even about?

I have no idea how long this blog post is.. 3 paragraphs? well i’ve run out of things to say, god knows how Ro managed to write on every day and actually have something to say..well anyway,  Bye for now! 😉


19 Responses to “I’m now a professional hacker.”

  1. jill Clayton November 16, 2011 at 9:52 pm #

    Good to hear from you Sylvie. Your wording is fine. Rosie would be impressed!

  2. Michelle November 16, 2011 at 9:56 pm #

    Love your hacking Sylvie. You’re becoming another wordsmith, like your Mum and sister. Though I have to say when I saw the title, I did wonder if someone was joining the NZ rugby team (okay I know it’s Haka but…)

  3. Coz Al November 16, 2011 at 10:06 pm #

    I get ya…. and yeh we will be sad but we will also be happy because that’s how we roll and we are here. 🙂

  4. Fiona November 16, 2011 at 10:29 pm #

    Thankyou Sylvie for a lovely post. It really made me smile to hear from you and you talk about death exactly how it feels for all of us, Rosie would be pleased she taught you well!

  5. Helen & Harrie November 16, 2011 at 10:30 pm #

    Hi Sylv, good to see you on here. Ro would definitely approve  and she would give you a big thumbs up.

    Thanks for reminding us that Christmas is not too far away , I can always rely upon u to do the countdown for me. See you soon xxx

  6. Claire November 16, 2011 at 11:01 pm #

    Well, hello! Excellent to hear from you, and I mean hear, because your opening ‘muhahaa’ made this absolutely your voice!
    Only 38 sleeps? AAgh!! (note to self must write cards). Yes, this Christmas will be strange, and a bit sad, and a bit happy, and a bit silly, and a bit sick-because -too-much-chocolate, but however you feel is ok, as I’m sure lots of people have told you. You don’t have to feel like anyone else, because no-one else is you, and more to the point, what you were/are to Rosie. You are the only person who was her younger sister, so you don’t have to feel like anyone else! Does that make sense?
    And oh I know exactly what you mean about that self conscious way of talking about Rosie. Sometimes I start to write ‘Rosie would have liked/laughed at/ been cross about something, and then stop because it feels so wrong and anyway what a cheek to assume i’d know, so then there’s a sort of awkward pause in the writing. Weird, but we’re all just doing our best & muddling through.
    Blogging every day? Easy, just talking to yourself on screen, but more satisfying because sometimes someone answers!

  7. Claire November 16, 2011 at 11:16 pm #

    Another thought. I think the worst thing about events like Christmas after someone has died is that everyone is thinking ‘last time we did this, Rosie (or whoever) was here’. One way past that is to make some completely new ‘family traditions’, which won’t always have the missing space. This doesn’t mean forgetting, of course you never can, or would want to, but it just mixes things a bit.
    You seem to have been awarded the holiday planning medal, so how’s that for your next job? Hmmm, now you’re going to ask ‘Like what?’. Um……..find a special xmas muffin recipe for breakfast? Make everyone a personalised cracker, including you of course?! Walk up a hill & sing carols at the top?
    I’ll keep thinking.

  8. celia butler November 16, 2011 at 11:32 pm #

    Hi Sylvie – good to see you on here! And the great thing about a blog is that you can say whatever you’re thinking, so ‘supposed to’ doesn’t even come into it. Which is why Rosie always had plenty to say, she just shared her thoughts.
    Talking about people who’ve died, especially recently and even more so when there are tragic circumstances, is very painful. It feels wrong to talk about them in the past tense when they are still so much a part of life that’s going on. As Claire says, it’s a matter of muddling through and eventually it feels less painful and more natural, but it’s never bad or silly.Grief is a very strong and strange mix of feelings, not just about feeling sad all the time, and everyone has to get through in their own way. What other people think doesn’t matter.
    You’ve done a brilliant job on the blog this evening, hope you’re going to be a regular
    hacker! x

  9. Debbie November 17, 2011 at 7:50 am #

    Hey Sylvie, what a lovely surprise to hear from you!
    I must say, i always thought Rosie saw the screen much like we do, but obviously not. You did a great job. As others have said, it’s just about sharing thoughts – exactly as you did.
    I hear you’re off to a party on Saturday while the others are here with me. Have a lovely time – is it someone’s birthday? Do you know what you’re going to wear?
    Much love, Debbie x

  10. Sue Trevethan November 17, 2011 at 7:51 am #

    Sylive it reads like you’ve been writting blogs forever , it would be good to think you’ll carry on ,Go Girl !

  11. Jill (beckys aunty) November 17, 2011 at 10:14 am #

    Hi Silvie, How you doing, christmas will be a mix of all your emotions and you will laugh and you will cry, but remember rosie would want you all to enjoy this special time of year and she will be with you in your hearts xx

  12. Chloe Taylor-Jones November 17, 2011 at 11:10 am #

    Hello Sylvie, nice to hear from you. I often think about your family even though, like many blog readers, I don’t know them very well. It is good to see the total donations going up on the Zumbathon sponsorship page everyday. I hope you make the £4000 target – I think you will. Love to you all from Chloe X

  13. Chris November 17, 2011 at 12:34 pm #

    Hi Sylvie, good to see you blogging on TKOE. Ro would be very proud of you right now and that is for sure. I know it is hard to write about a family member or friend in past tense but from now Ro will never get old, nor will she suffer in pain and she can always be remembered for the good things she did in life, not the bad or annoying things Ro got away with, lol. So they’re some good things we get away with after we cross over to the other side of life and how people can write or talk about us.

    Yep, Rosie Ro can constantly criticise you even within your own mind, lol, that is the one advantage you have from knowing Rosie so well. I have the same from all my belated family, friends and late soldiers too, the latter is a very unique experience because we learn to live so close to each other when we train and live as a very close knit team watching each others back that it becomes impossible to be separate as an individual from the family any more, we become always part of a much larger family past, present and future too, this I think is what your family is also experiencing because you have all the TKOE family too.

    Sylvie, it is nice to see you write openly about Ro and how we write about our family and friends. You have an incredible close family and nice to see you all pulling together after physically loosing Rosie, but as you now know Ro will always be here and around us thanks to your family and TKOE Kilburn team. You are also helping others fighting cancers to have a better quality of life whilst they are a survivor, that is Ro’s wish we all would want to promote until doctors and scientists can find a way to free the world of all types of cancers.

    Well done writing today’s TKOE blog, all the best from all of us down here in South Wales basking in a cold winters day sun, well it does feel like winter, lol. xxx

  14. dawn November 17, 2011 at 7:26 pm #

    Hi Sylvie,
    what a pleasant surprise to be reading a blog from you. Well done and thankyou! I do know what you mean about talking about Rosie, then feeling guilty for doing so. I know that I like to talk about her because there is so much good stuff to say, but there is always concern that doing so provokes sadness, I think it’s good to remember Rosie and talk and smile because it brings comfort. Rosie often pops up in conversation with myself and Corrine!
    Look forward to further blog/hacking input from you! Regards to all the fam x

  15. Steph November 17, 2011 at 8:12 pm #

    Hello you, what a lovely surprise – open up the blog and there you are! Don’t let it be your last.
    We find ourselves talking about Rosie and the rest of you at random moments. My big ‘is this the right thing to do’ thing came after the funeral when I felt I had to share all the details with everyone who asked me how it had gone. I think they were just asking politely and expecting me to say ‘it was fine’ – but I went on and on telling them every detail. Why??
    Keep on blogging Sylvie, Rosie would love it – it suits you, like wearing her clothes.

  16. Corrine November 17, 2011 at 10:35 pm #

    Hello! I totally agree with previous posts, and I hope it’s a comfort to see that you are not alone with those feelings. As my mum (Dawn) said, Ro often pops up in conversation. It would be impossible and I feel sad not to talk about such a beautiful and brilliant person. Keep talking and keep blogging! Or should I say hacking?! xx

  17. Lin November 17, 2011 at 11:44 pm #

    Hey Sly – superlative hacking and excellent first blog 🙂

  18. Kelly November 18, 2011 at 2:06 pm #

    Sylvie you already sound like a pro, Rosie would be very proud!

  19. Deb Walker November 19, 2011 at 7:38 pm #

    Great stuff! Looking forward to more from you Sylvie 😉

    Lots of love from Deb and gang xxxxxxxxxxx

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