Etiquette

21 Sep

Isn’t it strange how we all know about wedding etiquette; party etiquette; work etiquette. But very little about funeral etiquette. The last few days have been filled with regular rounds of conversations with people asking us whether or not you do or don’t do certain things at funerals. If not, why not. And if yes, will it offend anyone. And does that matter. It’s a minefield. So as well as choosing your coffins in advance, I’d thoroughly recommend thinking about what you do or don’t want people to do.

 

Anyway,we think everything is  coming together nicely for Monday, and that there will be a really good turn out for Rosie. Yet again we’ve been astounded by how many people know of her and want to do something to help.  All of which shows that Rosie did indeed achieve her plan of not being killed by cancer, because she does live on in the things people are saying or doing or feeling. The gummy bears have come in useful, so noone need worry about either Toby or Chris fading away from lack of calories.

In amongst all this, normal things are happening again.  Tomorrow we are taking Cal to look round a possible college for him for Sept 2012.  Rosie was very exercised about us making the right choice for him so she’ll be with us in spirit I think.

Jo

 

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12 Responses to “Etiquette”

  1. Georgina September 21, 2011 at 6:30 pm #

    Hello dear family

    There really are SO MANY things to think about for a funeral and especially when it is for a young person – we want to do our very best for them and by sticky gummybear you have done that.

    Rosie’s illness and death has been such a very public happening and I for one feel privileged to have been involved by reading all your blogs. I think you are going to be surprised by how many people will want to attend and say their final goodbyes to your lovely daughter. It will indeed be a sad event but also a happy one in that Rosie lives on in the many, many people who have got to know or hear about her and your family because of her illness.

    Life does indeed go on, I am catching a plane tomorrow to be with you all on Monday. Trying to pack has been hard because the reason for my journey is so sad – but I am going to celebrate the lovely little lady that has been part of my/our family’s life for so long and the dignity and love with which you have all dealt with what life has thrown at your family.

    I only have praise for you all and I am sure I speak for many by saying so.

    I will always visit Rosie’s grave when I go to see David’s.

    Much love to your family and I hope the sun shines on Monday – Georgina xxxx

  2. Josie September 21, 2011 at 6:58 pm #

    Hello Jo,
    You have the same power as Rosie to make me cry.
    There will be a fantastic turnout for Rosie on Monday- I’m sure she would feel well chuffed by it all!

    I do think that the way you’re writing about the funeral is making the whole thing kind of ‘ok’, which I think (and I’m hoping) really helps my own 2 young people deal with what’s happened.

    I really thank you for that.
    Josie x

  3. celia butler September 21, 2011 at 7:26 pm #

    Hello Jo
    I don’t think anyone needs to worry too much about etiquette in this situation. Your arrangements will be just right and I know will be much appreciated by everyone that comes on Monday.
    I can’t tell you how glad I am that you have this strong sense of Rosie’s ongoing presence and influence for so many people,. You’ve probably noticed that the hits on the blog are still going up in thousands each day, which speaks volumes.
    Rosie will certainly be with you in your college visit with Cal and making sure that you take full account of her views on the choice you make. Hope it goes well.
    Take good care of yourselves, and see you on Monday.
    Love to you all. x

  4. Natalie Bones September 21, 2011 at 8:15 pm #

    Hi Jo, thank you for keeping Rosie’s blog going.
    I don’t think Rosie would be bothered by etiquette. I think she would be hoping lots of people would turn up, but otherwise I know that the important thing to her is that people aren’t too upset. She was always about the people around her and how they felt. She was a beautiful, thoughtful young lady who worried about ‘the knock on effect’ as opposed to her own suffering. I carry her positive spirit with me.

    See you on Monday,

    ZumbaNatalie xxx

  5. Kirsty September 21, 2011 at 8:35 pm #

    Hi Jo

    It is really heart warming to have these posts appear. For one it’s wonderful to hear that your family is a great team who are going to celebrate the life of their amazing daughter with so many others. I already believe that Monday will be a fitting tribute to such Rosie.

    I often come to the blog to read the responses people leave. It feels like a community of people who truly believe in what Rosie stood for. While I often do not leave comments I am left feeling at peace knowing that you are able to continue in such a positive way and that team kilburn are able to see a future where Rosie is still supporting you from a far. Thank you for continuing to post.

  6. Rose Mayerling September 21, 2011 at 9:07 pm #

    Hello Joe , sounds like you are doing an amazing job , I am sorry to say that I wont be able to be there with you all on Monday but I will be there in thought xxx good luck with looking at collage for Calum Tommorow , thinking of you all Love Rose xxxx you can see my spellings are as awfull as there were !!! xxxxxxx

  7. Fiona September 21, 2011 at 9:15 pm #

    Thanks Jo for yours and of course Rosie’s funeral advice. Food for thought for all of us there.
    I shall be at another funeral on Monday but will be if course wearing black with a splash of colour in honour and remembrance of your lovely girl.

  8. Pip Armstrong September 22, 2011 at 7:29 am #

    I don’t actually think that etiquette matters too much when attending a funeral. It’s much more important to be there to pay your last respects than to worry too much about what you look like or whether you say the right thing I always think. Certainly you should be there on time (not cool to arrive after the hearse and/or follow the coffin into church) and clearly sit where you’re told and keep quiet, oh and most important of all, don’t forget to turn your mobile phone off in church, now that would be a faux pas, did you see Doc Martin on Monday night 🙂
    Hope the college is good, Hen playing rugby in Droitwich on Sunday morning so we will come straight from there if that’s okay, eta approx 1.15pm unless we have time to shove some lunch down our gullets first, not quite sure what time yo’re expecting us? Do you need us to bring anything?
    Pip x

  9. Di September 22, 2011 at 8:42 am #

    Hi Jo and family,
    I have absolutely no doubt the celebration of Rosie’s life, your amazing daughter, will be ‘just right’.
    Being able to visit the blog and read through new comments as well as going back and re- reading through some of Rosie’s entries is such a comfort. Her amazing spirit lives on…

  10. anita Connah's mam September 22, 2011 at 10:29 am #

    Dear Jo and family,
    All will go well it will be a Rosie day. I only had brief moments with her and it was an honour to do the race for life seeing her on the stage at Hartbury, thank you for letting us spend time with her.

  11. Claire September 22, 2011 at 11:56 am #

    Funerals are so personal, & yet follow such strict cultural rules. A (nother) lovely friend of mine died at 8pm on monday at home in Jakarta, & had been buried by midday on Tuesday. I’ve always rather envied the victorian mourning dress code, & have dropped hints about black plumed horses when my turn comes.
    I want everyone who loved me to be at my funeral, remembering why they did, & wearing something that would have made me happy. As for that wonderful friend who has arrived slightly late & flustered for every other social occasion in our lives? I’ll expect nothing less!

    The fact that life carries on around you after a death is a surprise, a comfort & sometimes an utter obscenity. One moment you can be buying cereal & planning dinner, the next in a bubble wondering how to walk. Again someone else’s words are the wisest “Put on normality, like a strangers coat, each morning, and one day you will find to your surprise that it fits.”

    I hope the college visit was positive, & that if it wasn’t the right one, that you’ll find Calum’s next place soon. Of course Rosie is with you in spirit, because she’s in your head & your heart. I’m so sad, and utterly bloody furious that she can’t be chatting to you about it over a coffee, but I do really believe you’ll hear her anyway.

    Now I’m off to worry about Chris & Toby’s dental health………and what colour pen to bring……..

    • Lin September 22, 2011 at 3:29 pm #

      What a good post, Claire! :)))))))))) xx

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