The girl who cried wolf.

15 Jul

I think this is the hardest post I’ve ever had to write and I’m sorry that I have to say it.

I am classed, in the cancer world, as terminal.

There is a large tumour that has grown out of my liver and across into my stomach. It is nearly blocking off access, but it’s soft and the stomach will move so I’m okay on a liquid diet and I can still eat small amounts. However, surgery/chemo is too risky and they can’t put a tube in either.

Unfortunately, in the last 3/4 months, this tumour has grown pretty rapidly and we have no idea how long I have left.


I’ll keep on fighting but I need your help, I’m not going to keep it a secret that at the moment I am scared to go to sleep in case I don’t wake up, I need to find my positivity again.


The hardest person to be sad with was Toby. He’ll always be my forever.


62 Responses to “The girl who cried wolf.”

  1. Lucy Henderson July 15, 2011 at 7:04 pm #

    oh rosie, don’t give up. we’re all fighting and praying for you. if there’s anything at all i can do to help please let me know 🙂 i love you xxxxxxxxx

  2. Lucy n Russ July 15, 2011 at 7:13 pm #

    Positive vibes coming your way from all of us. We love you Ro. Big hugs and squeezes and an ish bish too! (you’ll have to ask alex what one of those is, but they are very prescious) xx

  3. dmorgenstern July 15, 2011 at 7:14 pm #

    As always, Rosie, I love you. Be strong. Be brave. The positivity is still there – it’s too damn stubborn to leave you…wonder where it gets that from?

    Did I mention already that I love you?

  4. Becks July 15, 2011 at 7:15 pm #

    Rosie you are AMAZING don’t give up hope you are the most possitive person i know and if there is anybody that could fight this thing it’s you! and you have to keep up the fight!! let me know if there is anything AT ALL i can do!! I wanna do anything i can !!! Miss you Ro and love you lots!! xxxxx

  5. maddie July 15, 2011 at 7:15 pm #

    wishes from me and tom and everyone who knows about you. love you ro xxx

  6. celia butler July 15, 2011 at 7:15 pm #

    Bless you Rosie, this is so hard. We’re on standby to help you in any way we can, just say the word. Thinking of you all.x

  7. John Palmer July 15, 2011 at 7:16 pm #

    My thoughts are with you Rosie. I have been reading your blog for months. Stay strong and please please keep to your plan. Bless you. XX

  8. trudy July 15, 2011 at 7:30 pm #

    Rosie,we are all here for you,every step of the way.Thanks for letting us all know the results.Keep up your eternal courage.Thinking of you and family.xxxxx

  9. Chris July 15, 2011 at 7:34 pm #

    I am really sorry to hear your latest diagnosis Rosie, we all have been wishing and hoping it would be better news sweetheart. We all send our best wishes to you and Toby, and special wishes to your family who have been your life and support as you have been through all this too. I wish I could take your cancer away and throw it in the bin.

    Hard to know what to say except keep on doing what you have been doing up until now Rosie, you are a strong and lovely young lady, yet you are also the exception to the rule because you have been able to be open and write about your cancers to the rest of the world through your daily blog, for that I must praise your efforts, as someone fighting cancer, I know exactly how you feel and each stage you have been going through and I still continue to fight just as you do today.

    Sorry about you having to have liquid foods, I know the feeling of eating something and then looking like you have an alien is moving around your belly, even our youngest granddaughter told the police I had an alien in my belly as she watch my belly move around on the inside, lol. You have to laugh at the situation or you would cry all the time.

    Rosie, I think you have got your title wrong on todays blog, I think it should read “The girl that became a brave young lady”, there is not many that would post your news to the rest of the world the day after she was told she is now terminal, many would not even tell there family or best friends for being upset by the news. For me Rosie, you are one bright star and a treasure to behold, a very rare quality in a young lady such as yourself.

    Lots of big hugs and kisses from everyone here, please continuing writing Rosie and we will try and support you in your fight to beat the cancer but also have a better quality of life too. Lots of love, xxx. If there is anything you would like to do or want, how about blogging what you want to do, and see if people on the Internet can grant you a wish or two?

  10. margaret crisp July 15, 2011 at 7:38 pm #

    Hi Rosie, you are so positive and have achieved so much more than many other people have ever hoped to achieve. You have led a tremendously full life and need to go on doing so just as long as you are able. Fill your bucket up with lists of ideas of things you want to do, then put your hands on as many spoons as you can and go and tick off as many things on your lists as you possibly can.
    On your lists, I hope you’ll have somewhere ‘I’ll meet Mags’ and that’ll be on my next visit in September – my first uk visit for 2 years, so watch out – I’ll be after you!!!!
    Thinking of you lots, love mags.

  11. jill Clayton July 15, 2011 at 7:40 pm #

    Oh Rosie, if only you were crying wolf. We’d all be thrilled to bits. Terminal just means they can’t think of any particular treatment. It doesn’t mean you may not wake up tomorropw.
    My father was rushed into Gloucester with internal bleeding and diagnosed with terminal stomach cancer. He couldn’t walk, he could barely stand. By the next month, he was back home acting perfectly normally.
    I admit he did die eventually but he was 81, he’d been on dialysis for 5 years and oscillated between high and low blood-pressure all his life.
    He died 7 months after diagnosis but it wasn’t the cancer that killed him.
    We’re all thinking of you – and Toby, and your family. Love, Jill

  12. kath July 15, 2011 at 7:45 pm #

    Wish there was something helpful to do or say, but I can’t think of anything. We’re thinking of you all. xx

  13. Michelle July 15, 2011 at 7:46 pm #

    Chris is so, so right about the title of this posting. Cried wolf indeed. Pah, young lady, you are MY inspiration. I’m still spreading the love – as Chris and others will testify.
    If there is anything I can do, please yell. I’m pretty useless, but will try.
    As for positivity, you’re good, I’m sure you’ll find it sometime, somewhere. love Mic xxxx and Eshaness

  14. Carrie July 15, 2011 at 7:53 pm #

    Hi Rosie, I’ve been reading your blog for ages but never commented before. I just wanted to say I think you are amazingly brave and positive and I know you will fight this thing. I’ll be thinking of you.

  15. Lin July 15, 2011 at 7:55 pm #

    Thinking about you, honey…..we’ll see you Wednesday:))))))
    kisses and huge hugs

  16. Alice B July 15, 2011 at 7:55 pm #

    I’ve been keeping up with your blog for months and months now, even maybe a year? your a bookmark on my internet homepage and i click a little too often every day to see whether you’ve updated and what your up to. Like you said the other day, you’ve got a plan! I’m sending positive thoughts to you and your family. xxx

  17. Jen July 15, 2011 at 8:08 pm #

    Words seem almost meaningless, but I just want you to know that if and when this happens, you have not been defeated. You are a fighter everybody knows that, and in the space of a couple of years you have achieved amazing and wonderful things that many won’t achieve in a lifetime. The Knock on Effect is a true monument to you, and you are absolutely inspirational. Thinking of you, your family and Toby, Much love xx

  18. Zoe July 15, 2011 at 8:10 pm #

    Love you loads Rosie keep fighting babe. Thinking of you and your family always xxxxxxxxx

  19. Dave Smith July 15, 2011 at 8:13 pm #

    Rosie… Rosie… Rosie… we’ve never met, though my daughter Jen knows you, and I have worked with your mum in my role as a Gloucestershire Headteacher. I have stayed with your blog for some time admiring your writing, and this is my first post in response…

    Right now… life looks bleak, and a bit of rhino’s 4rse… a tough place. Whatever the future holds, and heaven knows you have defied it often enough already, be aware of this…. you have created something special during your time in this life so far… you have shone inspiration into some dark corners, and your strength of will has been as defiant as ancient granite against the breakers of the stormy ocean – utterly indefatigable.

    There is no shame in fear and doubt; if inner strength is hard to find, take it from us… all of us who have been inspired and invigorated by the honesty and strength with which you have paced this path you are on, we are all with you every step of the way.

    Ultimately… what is a life if not the opportunity to create something special, to make a difference, to create something enduring and lovely. You have done this Rosie, in circumstances perhaps not of your choosing, but with a purpose that will ensure that long after all of us are gone… a legacy will remain… a brightly burning candle illuminating darkness where it is least expected… The Knock On Effect. You are with us all forever.

    Dave Smith

  20. Alison July 15, 2011 at 8:17 pm #

    Only just read your blog entry and I am so so sorry you have had such news today. Be brave, keep fighting and most of all enjoy the company of your friends and family as much as you are able.

    Ali xx

  21. maria olpin July 15, 2011 at 8:27 pm #

    rosie, you given so many so much hope, as one of your many readers, we’ve shared your ups and downs, be brave x

  22. liane July 15, 2011 at 8:50 pm #

    Hey im Becky Goughs aunty , so sorry to hear your news hunni , i know its hard but stay positive you have already achieved so much for other young people that have had or have cancer , your are a veey brave person who has lots of people out there who love you and support you in all you do ,
    i wish you all the best and am sending positve thoughts your way , live your life to the fullest babe big hugs xxxx

  23. Helen July 15, 2011 at 8:50 pm #

    Rosie I’m so sorry to read this, I’d really been hoping for some good news. I know it’s not even in the same league but I know how it feels be scared to sleep. I have epilepsy and every time I had a fit I’d be scared to sleep incase it happened again and something terrible happened to me. I’d literally force myself to stay awake, which probably made things worse. So get some sleep – you need energy to put your all into this latest battle.

    You’re a fighter Rosie so keep positive (which I know must be really hard, and I’m sure none of us will blame you if you get a bit down) and stick to your plan.

    Now I’m just off to steal a cat from next door to get it in training 🙂

    Take care

    Helen xxx

  24. Josie July 15, 2011 at 8:52 pm #

    Oh Rosie, this is such scary and sad news, and such a shock.
    I cannot imagine how you must be feeling.
    It will take time for you to get your head around this… but you will.
    You have had to deal with so much bad stuff already.
    Your blog is a real testament to your courage and it is a privilige to read it.
    Thinking of you lots,
    Josie xxx
    ps. …thinking of your mum and dad, Sylvie and Callum too. x

  25. Dee July 15, 2011 at 9:02 pm #

    We’re all here Rosie, holding you in the biggest cyberhug ever xxx

    • Lin July 15, 2011 at 9:24 pm #


    • Michelle July 15, 2011 at 9:29 pm #

      Joining in ((((((((((Rosie))))))))))

  26. Sara July 15, 2011 at 9:08 pm #

    Sending lots of love and positivity to you, the family and Toby. I am so proud to know you, you are an incrediably special lady and the responses on here are beautiful xxxx

  27. Rose Mayerling July 15, 2011 at 9:15 pm #

    oh Rosie , that must have been one of your hardest post to post ,…… think we all know you wont give up ……., sending you and your family lots and lotsand lots of positive vibes with lots of love Rosxxxx XXXxXXXXXXXxxxxxxxx

  28. sueeckstein July 15, 2011 at 9:15 pm #

    Rosie – we only “met” in a virtual sense when I wrote about you in that Guardian article last year ( and I was so amazed by your positivity and your love for life. You have been an inspiration to all of us who have had the pleasure of knowing you virtually – so I can only imagine how desperately sad your family and friends must be that you are so ill. I – along with so many many other people – send you love and thoughts of courage. Sue xx

  29. Deb Walker July 15, 2011 at 9:28 pm #

    Rosie – just wanted to send our love across country to you …… BOOM! Beautiful, brave girl ….. nothing is impossible ….. always in our thoughts and prayers!
    Lovely to speak to Mum this evening ….. I sent some virtual hugs …. yes … even to Dad ;-D !

  30. Alice July 15, 2011 at 9:29 pm #

    May wind be at your back, the sun on your face and and the absolute certainty that you are loved be with you always xxx

  31. Chloe Taylor-Jones July 15, 2011 at 9:34 pm #

    Love you Rosie and thinking of you always Xxx

  32. Debbie July 15, 2011 at 9:43 pm #

    Dearest, dearest Ro.
    Well for sure that was the hardest thing I have ever had to read – and I knew it was coming too as I spoke to your Mum last night.

    How typically characteristic of you to say it as you did. Understanding that we all needed to hear from you, and then just speaking from the heart and saying it just as it is. Your candour and emotional intelligence just blow me away. And you can’t resist just a teeny joke in the title, even at a moment like this, can you? Awesome. No wonder you are so loved by so many people

    As for staying positive, well I will do my best to help. You’re at home with your family, and that’s always good, right? And you know you have so many people looking out for you, sending positive vibes and zapping that nasty soft and squidgy tumour with all their might. Just think of that! We are particularly effective at this when you’re asleep because it’s easier to reach our aim when you are still. It’s the tumour that should be scared, not you. I don’t fancy its chances, myself.
    Much love
    Debbie x

  33. miriammcclay July 15, 2011 at 9:56 pm #

    Dear Rosie,
    We were all stopped in our tracks by your news today. The staff at Newent love you very much and we never fail to be inspired by and be proud of you. You have taught us all so much and your strength of spirit throughout is genuinely inspirational and heart-warming. You are in my thoughts. xx

  34. Claire July 15, 2011 at 10:00 pm #

    Oh Rosie, so many people saying all I want to say too. Climb on this raft of love & let it rock you to sleep, and wake up tomorrow on your positive cloud. Can’t begin to imagine how hard the news must have been for you all to hear, and your bravery in posting leaves me speechless and in awe. Love & hugs sweetie, sleep tight & tell us what you’re up to tomorrow, which is, as ever, the first day of the rest of your life. xxxxxx

  35. Jane Henderson July 15, 2011 at 10:36 pm #

    Dear Rosie, I’m so sorry to hear about this latest news and wanted to say how much you are admired for the courage and fortitude you have shown throughout your illness and bravely sharing it with us through the Knock On Effect truthfully and eloquently. Now’s the time to think about you and what you want and to let us know what we can do for you. Think big, make that wish list and let us know. Much love to you all xxx

  36. Roomybonce July 16, 2011 at 4:03 am #

    God I was so certain this was going to be good news, but Ha! I don’t think I’ve ever read such an outpouring of love in a comments thread – it’s all gone a bit Lion King down TKOE way – “Caan you feeel the looove tonigggght?” – and you know why that is Rosie? Do you know where all this positivity comes from? It’s the life you lead, the life you’ve always led, everything you say, every word you write (even the stuff about thinking you were a black woman, which, let’s face it, is a bit fruitloop) everything radiates an indomitability of spirit that defines what it is to be alive. You are inspired and we can only aspire to your courage. And let me tell you something else, something I’ve only ever told one living soul.

    Remember I told you about my old best friend who died of cancer a couple of years back? I still dream about her every week. She’s the only girl I dream of – she’s entwined in my DNA – more now than ever. And that’s what you’ll be, to Toby, to your family, maybe to close friends too. And behind them will be the rest of us, the legion, holding our hearts out to you. Because there are some stars you never forget. 

  37. Sue Trevethan July 16, 2011 at 6:36 am #

    Well if you ever wondered if people cared or loved you wonder no more YOU ARE SOOOO LOVED…….. Reading your blog is very hard because all we all want to do is make the Cancer go away and make everything better for you. I just want you to know that if there is anything that We can do at Hope just let us know . Remember living starts today. Bless you Rosie xxxx

  38. Mel July 16, 2011 at 7:21 am #

    I too have been reading your posts daily, we have never met but I know your brother. You are an inspiration Rosie. Your family must be so so proud. I wish you so much strength and beautiful thoughts x

  39. Maz July 16, 2011 at 8:03 am #

    You have made such a difference to others Rosie, your charity and blog made it easier to talk to my sons and for them to talk to their friends about their dads cancer returning last summer. His cancer is inoperable, but hoping the drugs keep him going 🙂
    Stay strong Rosie, and know how much difference you have made to others.

    btw you have been an inspiration to many an Open University student who has wondered into the students association forum looking for support.


  40. DonnyFan July 16, 2011 at 8:09 am #

    sending you love and positivity Rosie, I don’t know what else to say xxx

  41. Katrina July 16, 2011 at 8:18 am #

    Hi Rosie, I’m friends with Lucy and Russ which is how I heard about your blog and I’ve been reading it for a good year now. You are truly inspirational and and an example of someone who has grabbed life, is living it to the full and has given so much. You put a lot of us to shame, you have a achieved so much. Stay strong, stay positive. Thinking of you all and your family. Katrina x

  42. Di Harrill July 16, 2011 at 9:35 am #

    Dear, dear Rosie, I read your blog most days, today, well, what can I say… you’re such an inspirational young woman who makes me feel so humble.
    I look at my picture I bought at your auction, the embroidery of bluebells in the woods – and I see Spring and life and it reminds me of your spirit –
    thinking of you

  43. julia July 16, 2011 at 9:45 am #

    I’m sending you some James Taylor lyrics (Who’s he? I hear you ask. He’s a singer songwriter from the 70’s who had a lot of drug problems but he’s still going today).

    “The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time
    Any fool can do it
    There ain’t nothing to it
    Nobody knows how we got to
    The top of the hill
    But since we’re on our way down
    We might as well enjoy the ride

    The secret of love is in opening up your heart
    It’s okay to feel afraid
    But don’t let that stand in your way
    ’cause anyone knows that love is the only road
    And since we’re only here for a while
    Might as well show some style
    Give us a smile

    Isn’t it a lovely ride
    Sliding down
    Gliding down
    Try not to try too hard
    It’s just a lovely ride”

    The thing is, Rosie, none of us know how much time we have left. We found out yesterday that one of our neighbours from our lane in Coton had a brain haemorrhage and died on Wednesday. Any of us could fall under a bus, or, in my case, a rusty old tractor!

    So while we are still alive there is living to do, right?

    Lots of love xxxx

  44. Chris M July 16, 2011 at 9:47 am #

    Rosie, you have so much spirit and are a true angel. I know you will fight this and will live life to the full. You have inspired so many people and you will be with them forever, always thinking of you and your family, Chris x

  45. caro July 16, 2011 at 10:01 am #

    Hi Rosie, I’ve been reading your blog for a while now but haven’t ever commented as I’ve never really known what to say. and I’m still struggling! I just wanted to tell you how brilliant I think you are. I’m so grateful you have shared ths blog, your strength and bravery are a huge inspiration to me (and i’m sure many others). I hope you know there are loads of people rooting for you.
    keep strong, just keep being you x

  46. Fiona July 16, 2011 at 11:17 am #

    Dear Rosie-so very sad to read your latest news. Our thoughts and love to you , the family and toby as you go through this next stage. You are a remarrkable young lady with a remarkable group of friends and family who’ve been with you every step of the way.. Much love from all in Hutton Rudby. Xx

  47. Fiona seller July 16, 2011 at 11:22 am #

    Dear Rosie- we were all so sad to hear your latest news. Our thoughts are with you and with your family and Toby. You are a remarkable young lady with a remarkable group of family and friends who have been with you every step of the way. Much love to you all from everyone in Hutton Rudby. Xx

  48. Rupert July 16, 2011 at 1:01 pm #

    Dearest Rosie, So sorry to hear your news my thoughts and prayers are with you and all those close by. It’s difficult to write a message that hasn’t all been said before but I think that just goes to show how truly amazing you are and how many lives you have touched with your inspiration, courage and by being your incredible self. You have done so much for so many others and all of us look up to you in huge admiration for all that you have achieved. Stay strong Ro and the very best wishes- 🙂 Rupert

  49. jemigo July 16, 2011 at 1:27 pm #

    Rosie you are such an inspiration to so many people both young and old. You are often in my thoughts and I read your blog most days. I am so sorry to hear your sad news and we all send you lots of hugs and positive vibes from here in Narnia (as Robyn calls our village).
    Much love to you your family and Toby and his family.
    Jenne Goulding and family (Robyn Edwards mum!)

  50. Jan - Bristol July 16, 2011 at 1:30 pm #

    The girl who cried wolf… what a load of twaddle young Miss! You are an amaaazing lady. Crap news, actually crap doesn’t sum it up but there may be children reading! I’m not good with words but you know we’re all here behind you, through poo and vomit 🙂 actually I wouldn’t want to be behind you with poo and vomit but you know whay I mean x

  51. Jan - Bristol July 16, 2011 at 1:32 pm #

    …you know what I mean (can’t spell now!)

  52. dawn July 16, 2011 at 2:53 pm #

    Oh my Rosie, so sad to hear this news.You are a beautiful and courageous young woman to be admired. In the face of cancer you have demonstrated such great bravery and thought for others. Be the wonderful person you are and the positivity will come again. Sending warm, positive thoughts your way. Love dawn x

  53. Hannah Reynolds July 16, 2011 at 3:41 pm #

    Rosie, when Amy came back and told me the other day I knew just how much it was hurting her. You’ve been such a brilliant friend to her and I’m so glad I got to know you all those years ago on what was a bloody brilliant holiday!

    Deep down we are all scared and I know it can’t even come close to how terrifying it must be for you. On the other hand we also know that you won’t ever stop fighting it! Kick it’s ass!

    It’s hard not to make this into a gushing speech, with tears Gwyneth Paltrow at the Oscars style but the clichés we see in films, really aren’t clichés at all. You truly are an inspiration to all of us. Your story puts everything into perspective. It feels so wrong to moan about stupid little things but even the stupid little things matter in life.

    James has never even met you but you inspired him to do all that running to raise money! Both the Great South Run and then the London frickin Marathon earlier this year! As you know, he raised a fantastic amount both for the Knock on Effect and Macmillan. That’s what you do, Rosie. That’s the effect you have on people, even the ones you’ve never met. You haven’t hidden away from the world in the past years and I honestly can’t admire you more. I don’t think I could do it.

    We’re all rooting for you and we all love you. I too have my piece of art from your auction here at my desk (the picture of Gloucester docks at night) and whenever I see it, it reminds me of you and of all the hundreds of pieces that people donated.
    If you need anything or want to do some normal things to keep your mind positive I’m here. Cinema, shopping I’m good at stuff like that! And if Amy needs a lift over to see you I have my faithful Tilly Mint (that’s my car) to get us to you. Love you loads xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  54. Jamie July 16, 2011 at 5:43 pm #

    I have no idea how you feel, but I want you to know you are an inspiration to everyone and my thoughts and prayers are with you. Stay strong x

  55. Robin July 17, 2011 at 7:06 am #

    Rosie im heartbroken for you and just dont know what to write which has any point or reason to it.

    I really hoped for good news, and that you could get your life back and get on with the shop and just do normal things.

    I kno u will, but keep fighting Rosie and never accept defeat, please stay with us. Liquid diet sounds like teh way forward

    Loadsa Love

    Robin xx

  56. Pastor Steven dunne July 17, 2011 at 10:12 pm #

    Dear Rosie

    We have a mutual friend.
    We are praying for you all the way from New Zealand. Jesus still has profound ability to heal sick bodies today. We are praying your sick body will be made completely well by Jesus.

    Steve and Emma

  57. Tony Walsh July 18, 2011 at 12:26 pm #

    So sorry to hear your news, Rosie. You have tremendous spirit though and that can often go a very long way. Stay strong, draw on the support of family and friends and I send you my very best wishes. Tx

  58. Anna July 20, 2011 at 12:05 pm #

    Hi Rosie,

    You don’t me but I’ve been following your blog since you started it, although I’ve never commented before. You truely are an inspiration to myself as well as my family and I know you have to stay positive, I think I can say for the many that are reading your blog that all of us are sending our positive love your way. Just keep strong. You are amazing. XX

  59. Sheena Allan July 28, 2011 at 2:49 pm #

    Hi Rosie,
    I have followed your blog since the beginning and of course have kept up to date through Auntie Audrey and Uncle William (Grandma and Grandad to you). I have never posted a comment mainly because I didn’t know how!!! So there you are, you are still inspiring people like me to try new things.!!!

    We have just returned from holiday today and are so sorry to hear the news none of us ever wanted to hear.

    We think you are such an inspiring young person, one who we are proud to know and even better, be related to!!! Although we are not close ,you, your Mum, Dad, Callum and Sylvie are always in our thoughts and you would be surprised I think just how many people know of you and ask after you in Scotland, Canada and America. There are lots of people rooting for you.Take heart from all the positive thoughts and wishes coming your way. Make the best of each moment and take pleasure from the small ordinary things in life as well as the wishes you may strive for.

    And never lose your lovely sense of humour. AMAZING!!!!!!!!

    Cousin Sheena, Bert, David and Stewart xxxx

    PS (if this gets to you it will be a miracle.)

  60. Megan August 16, 2011 at 6:15 pm #

    You are such an inspiration to everybody rosie. Thinking of you a lot xxx

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