No no no the hospice itself, as a building, with the staff, was fine..it’s the fact that it was a building full of dying people that I didn’t like. The first thing I saw was a lady who actually looked like she was dying..I probably sound very insensitive, but it freaked me out okay? I was sent there and I’m not dying – Alex (my mums cousin who I went on holiday with) and I have worked out that I felt so uncomfortable because I was just too well. That environment just wasn’t right for me..it doesn’t matter which hospice you put me in, I just won’t feel right. Even if I’m dying I don’t want to go to a hospice. I do know that they are trying to change the image of hospices and they should because they are a pain specialist house for people, like me, who have pain that needs sorting or for patients AND their families/carers who want a nice massage or something. Even somewhere to go for people to talk to a therapist if needs be..but right now hospices – as I see them – are places where dying people go to die.
I sound immature and uneducated there don’t I..? I’m just writing how I see it and it scares me..although if you recall I said that you shouldn’t be scared of death, however I don’t think it’s the death that I didn’t like, I think it was the fact that everyone just didn’t look happy..It felt like there was an air of desperation coming from the families and that’s not a nice feeling, but it can’t be helped I guess..No one wants their loved ones to die.
No, if I start ‘on the spiral downwards’ (which I’m far far away from right now) then I want to be at home..not in a hospice. ALTHOUGH their food was very nice! Very very nice! I might have to think about that actually..Maybe I’ll go for a week to try out all the dishes and then I’ll come home..yeah.
So anyway, that’s not the reason I came on here..I came on here to ask if any of you think there is a link between the fact that I have been waking at 1am and 4am every night for the past 10 days and that, when I was a baby, I woke at those exact times for my night time feeds? I reckon there is..I think that’s cute.
I felt okay this morning, even though – as you already know – I woke in the night, twice, but then this afternoon I felt rooough. I was sicky and I’m finding it hard to eat this evening. We did, however, get a call from the doc to say they are putting me on antibiotics tomorrow, so hopefully that will ‘kick butt’.
I would also like to state for the record, that that horrible smell in the bathroom was not me. I’m blaming Calum personally.