I am troubled this evening.

1 Jun

So it was a silly idea to write down the things to tell you about because I found myself deciding on null ideas that are no use to anybody. For example, I wrote ‘Irn Bru’ because I wanted to tell you that I had chosen to drink Irn Bru and not Coca Cola, firstly because Irn Bru is from Scotland and I am one whole quarter Scottish and secondly because I watched a program last night about Superbrands and it said that 17000 servings of coke are sold every second, so I thought oh my that’s way too much, don’t let them win. But, really, who the hell cares about that!? You don’t want to know that! That’s a null point.

I also wrote down to have a musing about how some foods smell way too nice. They smell better than they taste – like the fresh donuts from that stand in Gloucester town centre..and the hot chicken from Tesco. But, see! Why bother writing that?! It’s a sentence! Null null null.

What I really need to write about is how scared I am of Calum going and living in sheltered accommodation. And why the hell does Paracetamol only come in 500mg capsules? They are HUGE. Oh, that reminds me, I need to take my night-time pill. OH, and THAT reminds me that I didn’t even remind myself to tell you that the doctors, at my appointment today, told me to have a great holiday and when I come back I’m going back on the Sunitinib and they don’t want to see me for 6 weeks. 6 weeks?! They’ve wanted to see me every week for the past month! Suddenly my blood is going to be okay not to be seen for 6 weeks?! I predict, right now, that I will have to have a blood test, and will come off the Sunitinib because of my low blood count, in just 3 weeks. We’ll see what happens, yeah? 6 weeks, as if.

I don’t want Calum to go into sheltered accommodation because I don’t trust anyone. Calum is autistic and I don’t trust ANYONE with him. There are some people I’ve said I trust because I trust them with other things but people can do things that you would never expect them to do. I want him to be independent, but I want to watch everyone who is in contact with him. I’m allowed to be untrusting at first so don’t tell me to lighten up, okay? I need to be uneasy about this and I need you to agree with me for now and then once I have had my little uneasy tantrum then you can come from the other side. Thank you.

Ted is in a bad way so I’m taking her to the vets tomorrow. Do hamsters go to the vet? Aren’t they too small? I don’t know.


9 Responses to “I am troubled this evening.”

  1. jill Clayton June 2, 2011 at 5:46 am #

    Hi Rosie, Ted is definitely not too small to see a vet. My husband’s a retired vet so I know. A hamster year is the same as about 40 human years so Ted may be getting on a bit. That doesn’t mean a vet can’t help. After all Eshaness is getting on a bit but I’m sure she gets taken to the vet!
    Good Luck

    • Michelle Gabriel June 2, 2011 at 3:05 pm #

      Eshaness pays for our vets holidays 🙂
      No, not true really, but I love our vets as they keep her going.
      Take Ted to the vets, they deal with all animals.

  2. kath June 2, 2011 at 7:32 am #

    Didn’t know about Calum. Scary, isn’t it? And to be honest, I think it’s good to be worried and vigilant and to continue being like that. Most people/care staff are somewhere on a scale from okay to brilliant, but you need to keep on guard for the odd one who’s on a power trip or just hasn’t a clue.

  3. Pip Armstrong June 2, 2011 at 7:40 am #

    I’m sure that wherever Cal ends up going he will be fine, don’t think your mum and dad’ll let him go anywhere they’re not 100% sure about but I can quite understand why you feel protective towards him, he’s such a sweetie x

  4. Coz Al June 2, 2011 at 7:53 am #

    I would feel exactly the same Ro…no one cares for or understands the ones you love better than yourself and your family. Tough one to get used to but you’ve got his back and that’s what big sisters are for. xxx

  5. celia butler June 2, 2011 at 2:27 pm #

    You’ve spent 17 years looking out for Calum so it’s totally normal for you to feel the way you do. But your mum and dad would take no chances, and it’s actually a really positive thing that this is becoming an option for him. At the right time and in the right place I’m sure you’ll start to feel a little more confident. x

  6. Michelle June 2, 2011 at 5:29 pm #

    I think, in the light of recent programmes, you have every right to worry about Calum Rosie.
    But I suppose you have to take a chance.
    Will he tell you, honestly, if things aren’t right. Make sure he knows he can confide in you and that you will be there, as big sister, to help him. That’s all we can do.

    • theknockoneffect June 2, 2011 at 5:31 pm #

      Calum doesn’t have communication skills like that 😦 We would probably be able to tell if something wasn’t right though.

  7. Pip Armstrong June 3, 2011 at 8:06 am #

    Because Calum is usually such a happy soul, you are quite right Rosie, I’m sure it will be very apparent if things aren’t right even if he can’t tell you x

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