I survived Tesco.

11 May

I did 4 and a half hours and I’m nowhere near as tired as I thought I would be!

Now I wrote a reply to a comment that Robin left on the last post and I would just like to write it again now because it’s upset me a little bit..I’ve had a lot of people say that they thought that their problems were insignificant compared to mine which is why they didn’t tell me, so I’ve just thought does this mean they think that in my head I’m thinking ‘Oh shut up, what are you complaining about? You haven’t got cancer, calm down.’ Seriously? Do you think I’m that selfish and self involved? 😦 It’s so so so so SO much worse to not talk to me about things or not tell me things because I’m ‘busy with cancer’, you really can’t understand how lonely it makes you feel 😦

It’s also the same to miss out on, I don’t know..maybe a night at the pub? Because you’re too tired? And then to ask what you missed and everyone say oh nothing, because yeah to them nothing happened but to you you’ve missed out on all the in jokes or old gossip and gradually you’ll not be invited because you’re always too tired…just because you’re tired doesn’t mean you don’t want to be invited. Luckily I’m not too tired any more.

9 Responses to “I survived Tesco.”

  1. Dollydimple May 12, 2011 at 8:13 am #

    I wouldn’t take it personally Rosie, it happens to everyone. That doesn’t make it right but it’s blogs like yours that will make people think and hopefully they will then alter their behaviour. It definately happens in the ‘cancer world’ but it also happens to people in other stressful situations such as bereavement, divorce etc. I had a friend who went through many cycles of IVF and she was furious when she discovered that some of her friends had been censoring what the told her because they didn’t think she would cope. Perhaps people feel that their problems are trivial by comparison and it makes them feel foolish to mention them. I think it is probably a behaviour pattern driven by how it makes them feel to discuss these things with you rather than the fact that they think you are too busy with cancer.
    For those of you reading this who do modify their behaviour – trust me when I say we do want to hear about the minutiae of your life and your broken down washing machine troubles are of interest to us!

  2. Michelle Gabriel May 12, 2011 at 9:29 am #

    I agree. When I was 14 and one of my close friend’s sister died (her sister was 18 and had a brain tumour, no one would talk about her sister, it was as if she didn’t exist, had never lived.
    One day, walking home from school, I started to talk about her – about the day she bet me I wouldn’t eat a bit of raw liver (I did and was promptly sick!). We ended up laughing and crying in the street. We tiptoe around things scared of upsetting people but I think that makes it worse – as you’ve just proved.
    So, maybe my horridly bruised knees are aching loads and hurt (why do I keep banging them all the time?), but I do understand that in relation to your cancer, well, they’re not as bad as what you have to face, but at the time, when I fell, ouch!
    It’s all relative, isn’t it.

  3. kath May 12, 2011 at 10:20 am #

    I’ve forgotten what I was going to say now, thrown off-balance by the fact the computer just banned access to your comments section due to ‘parental control’. Luckily it takes the attitude: ‘This is banned but if you really want to see it, click here. On your own head be it.’

  4. Coz Al May 12, 2011 at 10:21 am #

    Feeling isolated for any reason is hard and especially so when you are trying to live, work and enjoy life whilst battling something that sucks all the energy out of you. Living normally can be twice as tiring and my experience has shown me that often despite me not wanting to, the best way to get involved is to organise something because if people feel unsure and they don’t want to offend, hard though it is, the extra work is down to you so we reaffirm those connections and start some new in jokes etc. As much as I wish that everyone knew instinctively that its knowing the normal stuff of peoples lives that helps you feel connected, most often people only know that if they or someone they know has being through something like it. We only learn by experience or by knowing someone who is going through it. Some take it on board, others don’t see it no matter what is standing in front of them.

    Then there is always the excuse that now you are feeling more energetic, bring it to you. Evenings are lighter, weather is nicer I say BBQ party on at yours!!!


  5. celia butler May 12, 2011 at 1:00 pm #

    I love that title – a real writer’s ‘take’ on the issue.
    I wonder if part of the problem is that the comments are in writing. Sometimes something that would work when said comes across differently when it’s written down. Maybe that makes us all a bit more careful about what we say here? But message received and understood and will forthwith share my rough towel moments with you! x

    • margaret crisp May 12, 2011 at 3:57 pm #

      Hi Rosie, if you want a rough towel, ours are often like sandpaper! John even printed something off the internet saying how they SHOULD be washed!!!I agree with Celia,though that sometimes writing is harder than speaking…
      A pleasant day here today, went for a bike ride and walk in between the usual chore. Am off hoeing again in a moment!
      love mags.

      • jill Clayton May 12, 2011 at 5:19 pm #

        Hi Rosie, I see your column’s in tonight’s Citizen, plugging the zumbathon. It’s on page 6.
        I don’t think people don’t tell you things because of cancer. It’s because they’re not sure what to say. The same thing happens to the recently bereaved. Some people actually cross the street to avoid having to talk to them!
        The other thing is that a lot of what we say is “small talk” like talking about the weather. Being deaf, I suffered from people’s reluctance to repeat what they’d said when it wasn’t anything important. Then I got my hearing aids and life was vastly improved.
        Currently, my hearing’s gone off again because I’ve got shingles. I’ve had to postpone getting my hair cut and it’s stopping the sound geting through!

  6. Michelle May 12, 2011 at 5:41 pm #

    So Jill, you must understand how Eshaness feels, she’s deaf. Though she’s senile too – or is she just cat?
    But she does understand the Vibe for …….. and she’s good at that 😉
    Talking of which – how’s Ted now Rosie?

  7. margaret crisp May 12, 2011 at 6:24 pm #

    Hi, please can I see Citizen column??
    And yes, is Ted going on alright?
    love mags.

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