Real.

8 Jun

I guess it made me feel weird because it just makes it all more real. Since I haven’t been to hospital for a while I’ve stopped thinking about cancer..Obviously still feeling tired and stuff from operation (which wasn’t really an operation..just a procedure…but people don’t really know what a procedure is) but that just feels normal. I’ve had months and months of feeling tired so it’s a normal feeling and then when I get back to normal (actual normal) it’s a lovely feeling. Also I feel mighty sick, this was the first day without taking anti sickness so that’s probably why (or it’s because they cut open a shark and there was blood everywhere)..(by ‘they’ I mean the people on T.V). Yeah I’m gonna take some anti sickness..wait a sec. Okay done, hopefully that’ll start working soon because I actually feel very sick. I don’t know anyone really who has died so finding out about that girl at hospital who I knew (brilliant sentence structure right there) was sad and just reinforced the idea of dying from cancer. I don’t think I’m going to die..It’s just weird that I could. I mean I know I could any day from anything but it’s something else that I could die from that I didn’t think I ever would. Mental.

I’ve just realised I’ve written this whole post and if you hadn’t read the last post then you would have no idea what I was talking about.. Read the last post first and then you’ll get it…..Although you would have already have read this by then so you couldn’t read that post first..Oh well.

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2 Responses to “Real.”

  1. mags June 9, 2010 at 10:05 am #

    Hi Rosie, good to see photo of your bags in the shop, and nice to hear you hasve ideas about taking on your t-shirt business with flyers etc.
    I can understand how the girl you knew about dying has upset you and am pleased you were able to talk to James. It is a funny feeling when its brought home to you that we are all mortal…its a thing we don’t think of until it kinda hits you in the face….
    Am gardening this afternoon, beans, peas and carrots to plant, and then I may go knitting. Have decided to wait for some more wool to come before I get going on my jumper – the wool I have is rather too thick so am knitting scarves, hats etc with it…
    love mags.

  2. Deb Walker June 9, 2010 at 10:55 am #

    Hi Rosie!
    Glad you are beginning to feel more and more ‘normal’ …. getting back to school / work etc.

    When the reality of death comes close to our hearts and thoughts it can seem weird and, at the same time, a bit of a ‘wake up call’ (no matter our age)! Using that experience can enrich our lives, I think, and deepen our understanding of our own mortality – in a positive, rather than negative way. It’s what you do with that experience that is important … to you and others, who’s lives come into contact with your own. You are making a lot of people aware of what it is like to have cancer, Rosie, and that’s brill …. the physical side and the emotional too … by writing this blog, by your KOE charity AND by just ‘being you’! Go girl!!!

    I went into work for 4 1/2 hours yesterday and met a woman there who had had breast cancer 8 years previously …. I had no idea …. she was getting on with her ‘normal’ life. Her hair and eyelashes etc had all grown back (of course) and the pain from surgery had reduced to a level that she didn’t think about it any more. She said the weird feeling was, for her, that it almost seemed like it hadn’t happened, almost – lost in the mist of time a bit for her – surreal almost …. although, at the time it was HUGE and SCARY for her. It’s made her the person she is today though – so, using the ‘experience’ and blessing others by sharing about it (which is what you are already doing, I know …and amazingly)…. is so encouraging!
    Bless you, Rosie, you’re very much an inspiration!
    Deb x

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