I’m home!

3 Dec

And I’m feeling dapper! I’m sorry that there was no post before going into hospital but I literally had no time and I was feeling mighty nervous so didn’t really feel that a post saying I was nervous would be very helpfull or interesting ;).

Ahh so! Loads to talk about today :D.

So on tuesday morning I we all have to get up really early because we have to get to the hospital ASAP because they have to mix the chemo on the day of giving it due to the sensitivity of your weight – Although they weighed me with my jeans on so I must have been loads lighter than they though :/..humm. So yeah we get up and get the phonecall to say I’ve got a bed and then Toby is being lazy and won’t get up but somehow he’s already dressed so eventually, after getting a hot water bottle and stuff, Toby, Mum and I bundle into the car and set off to Birmingham. I’m feeling nervous, Toby is feeling nervous and Mum is concentrating on the stupid cars that are driving all over the road..but I think she’s feeling nervous too. We get to the hospital and thankfully I have my own side room – Which is so so good. I know how I said that being on 4 bed ward or whatever is more fun..well its so so so so SO much nicer to have a side room when you are about to have something that you haven’t had before – so you don’t really know what to expect and periodically you burst into tears and stuff. Tuesday was an emotional day.
So we arrive at 10:30 and settle down – Toby wanders around looking for an xbox because we get a stupid PS2 and it hasn’t got the right games on it but the T.V is plugged into a real outside aerial so that we get pretty good signal for the first 5 channels! Then lunchtime comes and we have some bagels.. And then 2 o’clock comes.. and we’re still waiting arounddd.. I get weighed and heighted. Then 3:30 then 4:00.. then 5:00 o clock comes and we’re like hmm okay because a nurse had mentioned something about 5 o’clock but we thought it might have been a bit of an exaggeration.. then at 5:15 a nurse comes in and she’s got this tray full of stuff and I start crying because I’m scared because I don’t know what to expect.. I was thinking that it would be a HUGE needle and that when any of the liquid went in it would sting like cyclazine and then I would just start throwing up everywhere and, omg, people would be running! The sprinklers would start because there would be so much to clean up! Everyone would come in and laugh because I didn’t know how to control my accidental spills! I would probably turn out to be allergic and then everyone would get angry because it was so much fuss! My arm would start swelling up because of how much liquid they were putting in and I’d look like Popeye! Toby would say ‘OMG LOOK AT THIS MONSTER!’ and run away! My hair would just start falling out and I’d just be peeing bright red stuff everywhere because I wouldn’t be strong enough to control anything! I’d be given some anti-sickness pills but they wouldn’t work because there was just to much sick to come out! It would be hell.
Turns out.. That it’s actually nothing like that – surprising, I know.

So nurse comes in with a tray, I cry and she asks what it is that im really worried about, I say ‘It’s gonna hurt and I really really really don’t want to throw up!’ 😥 << Thas me crying.  She says ‘it’s not going to hurt when the chemo goes in and we have really really really good anti-sickness drugs.’ I don’t believe her so I keep asking.. I think all the shock and nerves have got me going a bit loopy. So she goes away and comes back with this pill. I don’t like pills – I think you’ll remember – I hate pills. I can’t take them.. Thinking back to Sorafenib, I have literally no idea how I managed to take 4 a day without any problems. I literally don’t know. It’s actually something that must have happened under a trance or something. But anyway, she comes back with this pill and she says ‘this is THE best anti-sickness pill, it lasts for 24 hours and it is sooo good – I begged them to prescribe it but they were a bit ansy because it’s very expensive, but it turns out that it had already been prescribed!’  So she gives me this pill and I start crying again because it’s big and I really want to take it but I’m so nervous of choking.. It’s a capsule so it’s made to slip down easy and they’re all saying how I swallow bigger lumps of food and stuff (I don’t believe this..) and I get a huge glass of water ribeana and it takes like 10 mintues of me going ‘no I can’t do it!’ and them going ‘yes you really can!’ and me trying but crying and gosh it was a fiasco..but there was no one running in to laugh.. The nurse – whose name is Tina – was very supportive – didn’t laugh at all! Eventually I swallowed it! Be proud.. I cried because I had swallowed it – was literally the best feeling ever 🙂 I felt like I had accomplished a high mountain..or something like that ;).
Then we had to wait 45 mins for the pill to settle and start and stuff.. So then it came to be 6 o’clock and Tina comes back in with her tray and I cry AGAIN and she says it’s okay – the worst bit is putting the needle in and I’m like hmm, still expecting it to be a huge needle, like the size of my arm or something, but she just gets this little butterfly thing (I think that’s what they call them ahah) and it’s tiny.. I assume they had made some mistake and picked up the wrong one but Tina assures me that they only use tiny needles for chemo, so I’m happier and we get to finding my veins.
Turns out, that I have heroin addict arms and all my veins have retreated from all the previous injections and stuff. Great. (She also took some blood that morning but it’s easier to take blood than it is to put a canula in so I’ve had one needle in me so far okay? Taking count?) So this will be the second needle to go in and she puts it in a wiggles it around and it doesnt work.. Great.. So she trys again on the other arm (this is the third needle) but my veins are having none of it.. By this time I’m getting worked up because it’s really important that there is no shadow of a doubt that the tube has gone in because if this first lot of chemo, which is called Doxorubicin (nicknamed ‘Red Devil’), leaks out of the vein then it can cause really bad tissue damage..so they have to be really carefull. So yeah, I’m all nervous and probably crying again because it’s frustrating when your own body is the one stopping it from getting better aha. So Tina goes to get Sandra – because she is the ‘Sister’ and is a dab hand at needles. I get given a heat pack to bring my veins up and then Sandra comes in and shes lovely as well and finds a spot on the underneath of my arm so I’m all twisted and she puts the 4th needle in and it holds! They do like a million checks to make sure it’s not falling out and finally at about 6:30 Tina gets down to syringing the 55ml of Doxorubicin into my arm – every 5ml checking to make sure the tube hasn’t come out and it’s all going swish. Takes about half an hour for the red stuff to go in and we’re watching hollyoaks and hoping Zoe doesn’t get sent to prison and all that and then Tina finishes and put’s a flush through and at some point I have been given two more tiny pills of anti-sickness and then the flush is swapped for a bag of some MORE anti-sickness – So I literally have more drug than blood in me..and then I start eating a tracker bar and suddenly there is a pain in my arm……. I say ‘ow.. my arm is hurting’ I think I’m probably crying again and I lift my arm up and there is this swelling on my arm, which is about an inch and a half wide, and I’ve sent mum for the nurse and it’s all gone tits up because the tube has fallen out, but it’s okay because all the Doxorubicin is safely inside my veins and doing its thang. But this means they have to get another needle into my arm..This means it is the 5th needle attempt. 5th! And I have to wait for the doctor to come and do it because the night staff are on because it’s like 8 o’clock at this stage and that’s change over. So eventually a doctor comes in and he just shoves this needle in and then it goes in straight away and this is the needle that I use for the rest of the night.. wtf? Literally just puts it straight in and it hardly even hurts! Gosh. So yeah then I have another flush and then I think I get given some more anit-sickness pills and then they put me on a 2 hour saline flush to make sure that my kidneys are okay. By this time it’s about… 10 o’clock I think and then mum goes home because I’ve calmed down and I’m feeling fine and Mum and Toby haveboth had a look at my red pee (from the red devil) and so nothing interesting is happening. Then me and Toby gradually fall asleep and we just get woken up like every hour when they come in to check my meds and my drugs and change the bags over and I get another bag of anti-sickness and then another flush and then the second lot of chemo goes on, which is calleddddd..Cisplatin I THINK but I don’t know..the name rings a bell but I’ll find out from mum later..so yeah I sleep through the Cisplatin because it’s just put on a drip but they put through like 2 pints in 2 hours or something so I’m constantly getting up to pee and it’s on one of these occasions that I notice something in the bathroom…
During the day on tuesday we were given a lot of information on each of the chemo drugs and like side effects and stuff and one of the side effects is a darkening of the skin, so I’m thinking oh my god this is AWESOME because it’s gonna look like I’ve got this amazing tan!
So I’m in the bathroom and to me, in the mirror, it looks like I’ve got this tan! And I’m thinking – This is so great! I love this! Because I haven’t felt at all sick, I’ve managed to sleep, the 5th needle has stayed in, I’m comfortable, i’ve got no itches or rashes or mouth sores (i’ve been told it doesnt happen that quickly hah), or anything and now I’ve got this awesome tan! So yeah I get back into bed and decide to wait untill morning to see if anyone notices ;). They change my saline and anti-sickness and everything over and keep checking my temp – If it goes to 38 degrees or above then we have to worry… And I sleep some more and finally morning comes and mum comes in (because she’s set off bright and early) and I say ‘Do I looked tanned to you?’ and Mum just says outright that I don’t!!! So I wake up Toby and ask him and he says I just look pale..
What are they talking about?! So I ask the nurses and I keep checking in the bathroom mirror and I’ve definitely got this really nice tan! But no one agrees with me!
Turns out…that there is a slightly yellow light in the bathroom..and it was just reflecting on my skin..GUTTED :(.

Finally at 9:30 the chemo has stopped. It’s taken 15 and a half hours! Which is pretty much double what they said it would be haha :)! But it’s done and I don’t feel ill and I have had to swallow more tablets since then and I’ve managed to do it with all of them even if it has taken a while some times – does anyone have any good techniques? I’m on like 10 pills a day and I have to keep drinking and drinking and stuff.. And literally no side effects apart from a slight racing of the heart earlier – but I think that was because I thought mum had overdosed me on something but it turns out it was a different pill.. I’ve been told if I start hearing voices in my head then I need to tell mum straight away because that’s the steriods acting up – They have kept me so awake those steroids, luckily I haven’t had any sort of ravenous hunger either – AHAHAH on saying that my stomach just rumbled but I think that’s because it’s lunchtime now :). 

Thing is I now have to be carefull with what I touch and who I come into contact with because all my blood cells are going down and stuff so if you have a cold, or anything at all! Don’t come visit me because I don’t have enough white blood cells to fight it off 😦

Okay, that’s everything about chemo I think..Oooo apart from, they are putting a PICC line into me because I have rubbishy veins and a PICC line can last up to 12 months and stuff – So that will be a lot easier :).

In other news!

Check this out: http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00pcj4z 
That’s a preview of the documentary which will be on this monday! 7th December! Inside Out West – If you don’t get it on your T.V then you can watch it on Iplayer :). Toby laughed at the clip and said it looked like a clown having an MRI scan ahaha 🙂 Oh yeah! I forgot to say – Toby was literally the most supportive person ever throughout tuesday and yesterday 🙂 He literally helped me loads and encouraged me through all of it even though I was crying all over the place – Same with mum; we have made a chart to keep all my drugs and drinks and symptoms up to date 🙂 and dad even rang up to see how I was doing. But Toby was top of the class because he just didn’t get annoyed with me for crying or finding it hard to swallow tablets or anything 🙂 Also, when we got back to my house he did some 3D work so he’s still thinking about himself which is really great 🙂 I think I’ve got all his christmas presents bought now which is cool. 😀 Ahh. It’s been a year, a month and 3 days!

We have new stock!!!!!! We’ve got domino badges and we’ve got KOE bags! Unfortunately the bags are having to be pretty pricey – we’re seeing how well they sell and if they are a hit then we can buy some more in and hopefully drop the price :). I’m wondering whether I should wait untill the launch of the website www.theknockoneffect.co.uk (check it out if you haven’t already!) or if I should put them up for sale now??
ALSO, I REALLY NEED TO APPOLOGISE! I’m so sorry 😦 We’ve had a lot of trouble with sorting out artwork and stuff for the t-shirt printers and so there has been such a huge delay..New designs were meant to be here and ready about 3 weeks ago and that hasn’t happened 😦 I’m not going to promise that they will be here by christmas but there is a very small chance they will be.. We have got Rhino1 for you guys to purchase if you wish – these t-shirts have been getting a lot of attention!  If the new designs don’t arrive before christmas then I hope you can all look forward to buying them with all your christmas money in the new year!!! Haha 🙂 I’m so sorry everyone 😦 Big fail on my part :(.

Ummm I think there was another piece of news but I can’t remember what it was…  Whilst I think I will say a big thank you to Claire at Red Biddy because I got book in the post of stuff to make like the penguin thing she sent! I actually love it! So thank you 🙂 Mum is jealous but I said she could help hah :). I’m sorry I haven’t replied to your email – I’ve had busy time! And another huge thank you to everyone who sent me luck and support on tuesday 🙂 Made my day!

I also want to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Kate my cousin 🙂 She turns 18 today and I hope she has a great great GREAT day and has loads of fun and doesn’t get too trashed later :).

Ummmmm.. No I can’t remember anymore news..If I think of it later I’ll write later 🙂

Phew! Long one today – Hope you enjoyed! No doubt there is like a million spelling mistakes because I was typing really quickly so that I could quench your thirst for blog! Hope everyone is well!


10 Responses to “I’m home!”

  1. Rob at the Beeb December 3, 2009 at 1:26 pm #

    what an epic – and utterly excellent – post

    your ability to describe what happened, and what you feared might happen, is incredible

    makes us tremble and laugh and bite our nails and admire you very deeply all at the same time

    we’re in the final day of the edit for Monday’s telly piece today
    looking very very good – you’re a natural on camera too
    one or two technical challenges – getting the whole blog effect on teevee (your spelling)
    but it’s going to be great

    hope the “dapper” feeling lasts and lasts


  2. kath December 3, 2009 at 1:28 pm #

    That sounds like quite a day on Tuesday – so glad it turned out okay in the end. Next time it’ll be easier, right? x

  3. Coz Al December 3, 2009 at 1:51 pm #

    Brilliant blog Ro – Rob is right, I had such a great visual picture in my mind of what was you were going through and the thoughts running through your head. I’m glad today is a good day with no appearance of side effects. 🙂

  4. Steph December 3, 2009 at 4:37 pm #

    Phew!! Fantastic blog! You’re a natural – you almost made the experience sound fun. Bet you’re glad it’s over though. Good luck for the next few days/weeks – do you know what to expect? Oh and top man Toby – what a keeper.

  5. mags December 3, 2009 at 6:14 pm #

    Hi Rosie, great post…and well done to Toby and your parents, too! I’m glad it wasn’t as bad as you had envisaged, in the end, and that you are now back at home. How about Thornton’s…are they quite accommodating? You don’t want some snivelly customer sneezing on you!
    All ok here, still not finished the massive pre-xmas clear up!!
    lots of love, mags.

  6. Josie A December 3, 2009 at 7:59 pm #

    Hi Rosie,
    I’m still reading your blog because Mike tells me nothing about nothing. Tuesday sounds like it was a really massive day for you- but you got through it! You are amazing. It’s almost like an episode of ‘House’- was there a scruffy doctor there with a stick? Mike could lend you his dvds.
    How many more sessions of chemo do you have to have? I really hope they are bit easier than Tuseday’s one.
    May be it’s like when you go somewhere far away for the first time, it seems to take ages and ages. But the second time it seems much quicker. Praps it will be like that?
    The only tip I have about pills- is opening the capsule and mixing it with chocolate spread and then putting it on a cracker. It’s the way I used to get Mike to take paracetimol when he was younger. (Hopefully he won’t read this).But I guess they won’t allow that at the hospital.
    Hope you feel back to normal asap.
    love Josie

    • theknockoneffect December 3, 2009 at 10:08 pm #

      Hello 🙂
      Mike’s a boy – what do you expect??! Hahah 🙂 My blog is there for reading so it’s all good :). There was an arrogant doctor..not so scruffy and no sign of a stick :/! I have to have 5 more sessions – so every 3 weeks. I hope they are easier too..but I do know that I will have to swallow more big pills! 😦 I’m not allowed to open the pills or else they won’t work properly 😦 Gutted! I used to take my tramadol pills by opening them and putting them in yoghurt – that worked 🙂 but no can do this time :(. Thank you for your lovely comment 🙂

  7. celia butler December 3, 2009 at 8:18 pm #

    Ardderchog Rosie (that’s Welsh for fantastic just to make a change!). You’re a star in so many ways. x

  8. Pip Armstrong December 3, 2009 at 10:12 pm #

    Well done you …that’s brilliant it wasn’t as bad as you feared … top tip, take your tablets either with a mouthful of yoghurt or a mouthful of smoothie, the tablet gets suspended in the thick liquid and you swallow the whole lot together hardly even realising the tablet’s gone down with the liquid … try it, it works …promise!

  9. Kaate December 5, 2009 at 10:23 pm #

    Thank you my darling! I got very drunk last night oops!
    Hope your doing okay and that! With tablets I make myself like a nice drink or get a biscuit out or something, which I can only have once I’ve swallowed the pills, as like a reward! The quicker I swallow the pills the quicker I get something nice:)
    May be seeing you next weekend if your feelibg good!! Love youuuuu XXXXXXX

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